There is only one way! How do you see or experience it? Most of the time we perceive it as some serene experience such as, the experience of love,, the pines swaying in the cool fall breeze, basking in stillness or the realization of oneness. However, how about a wrinkly ass hanging out of a hospital gown, have we ever imagined that in this way? Trying desperately to cover ourselves, we are overwhelmed by anger, fear and uncertainty. We are so used to the illusion of control that when the cracks appear in our delusion we are devastated. We do a lot of that, trying to cover up or protect ourselves, so no one sees what we are hiding. So no one sees how vulnerable or uncertain we truly are. Even the great Zen Masters must jump ship when the vessel begins to take on too much water. How scary those dark waters can be and how vulnerable we truly are. We have convinced ourselves that there is something constant, unsinkable yet we find ourselves on the Titanic time and time again wondering how the hell this has happened. Dark, dark nights we spend drifting along, holding tight to the planks from the wreck, yet even they begin to fail and there is no longer anything to keep our heads above water. We must take that final breath and let go of all grasping. For many of you this piece may sound dark and nihilistic, let me assure you it is not but, the opposite. Zen practice is based on brutal honesty, there is no option to pick and choose what we “want” to believe as truth or what we do not “want” to believe. Beyond the confines of ego, we find the way. The one way has no limitations and a matter of a fact, no one can even fathom “it”. It is an “…illusory flower in the sky.” Even our patriarchs are mere children playing within the sandbox of Zen. With this being said, the “one way” can never be missed, its ways are myriad. We find it within the trees, flowers, love, compassion, the fall winds, and even my wrinkled old ass hanging out of my hospital gown. How do I know this? Thirty years ago an event changed my life that still to this day brings tears to my eyes. I still don’t know what it is, yet that does not matter anymore. What matters is I know “it is”. I feel it everyday and there are times it appears to have left me, such as when there is seemingly nothing left to keep me afloat, however, I know it can never do so, as I am nothing other than “it”. These times of “exposure” are nothing other than the magnificent turning the wheel. These dark days open us in new and uncharted ways. They strip away delusion and attachment and leave something renewed and awake. How would you say it?
As we enter the waters of the dualistic mind, the silt is kicked up around us, blind, we feel around us grasping at the shadows for something concrete to hold onto, yet, the more we grasp and stir, the more muddied the waters become. It is not until we let go and become still, that the waters become clear once again. Yet, why cling to such clarity? How wonderful the muddy waters can be. Unknown and uncharted, deaf and blind, we see with our hands and hear with our hearts.
Gassho, I am out of the hospital and will be offering Teisho (Dharma Talk) on Tuesday October 19th from 6:30-8:00pm. We hope to see you there.
Update: doing fine as the testing continues. There is no question that I will be returning to the zendo within the next week, no need to worry. Nothing more than a crashing wave...
I always let students know that many times "passing" a koan is not really "knowing" it. When we "pass" a koan we merely see into it (kensho), it does not mean in anyway that we have completed it. As a matter of a fact we never "complete" a koan. If we continue to practice over the years, we may realize a koan's greater depths repeatedly. I always say the best koans are Genjo Koan, or life koans. When we have insight into a koan, we have a basic understanding of its feel and expression. When confronted with this koan again organically, our dokusan experiences should allow a subtle grounding. Over and over we realize greater depths, endless dimensions. There is no meandering, daydreaming or bells to give pause when confronted with an organic nanto koan. Life comes at you head-on, indifferent to invitation and without reserve. Will you swerve and panic, or will you exhale and go straight on?
